In the previous article (The internal drivers of the Intimidating Manager) we took a deeper look at the Intimidating vs Approachable scale of the Diamond Power Index, considering first the poor use of power end of the scale. Let’s now look at the other end of the scale and the Approachable Manager.

The primary dilemmas of managers who use power well

The first thing to say about the primary dilemmas of those who consistently use power well is that they no longer revolve around the manager themselves. Issues of personal threat and survival are largely resolved. Replacing them are the challenges of managing competing high priorities in the service of others. In other words, the prospect of failure or some other personal threat is no longer the organising principle behind this manager’s feeling, thinking or doing.

Not all good users of power consciously hold such competing priorities in mind. A minority of good users of power are able to achieve this without strong awareness of their own informing dilemmas. What is true, however, is that the conscious practice of letting go of survival dilemmas and foregrounding high and competing priorities will migrate a manager toward “good use of power” in their leadership.

Migration towards the good use of power

Migration toward the good use of power is possible through the quiet, personal, persistent work of examining the assumptions that were previously informing behavioural options, and transcending the limited world created by those assumptions. With personal threat no longer the preoccupying dilemma, managers who use power well grapple instead with dilemmas centred on how they can better lead and serve others in the context of authentic, caring relationships. And they are free to grapple with those dilemmas with a sense of play.

Becoming a manager who uses their power well requires self-examination. Good use of power, and consequently good leadership, requires us to live an examined life. Without such reflection we are likely to continue with our usual, familiar patterns of feeling, thinking and doing. The growth we need does not happen by itself and is not inevitable.

Staying in your job for 20 years will not automatically turn you into a manager who uses power well. Neither will working hard at your job for 60 or more hours per week. To become such a manager requires a deep intention to break free from living in survival, and an ongoing practice of examining assumptions, noticing one’s own negative feelings, catching unhelpful thought patterns and seeking feedback on behaviours.

Letting go of survival dilemmas

The dilemmas that tend to preoccupy leaders who use power well are not dilemmas of pure survival. Effective use of power, being the centrepiece of good leadership, is found through day-to-day engagement with high and competing priorities with no obvious fix.

This kind of dilemma can usefully be expressed by statements structured with “how can I …, while also …”. For example, the Approachable Manager will orientate themselves around these dilemmas:

• “how can I be heard, while at the same time create forums for others to speak and be genuinely heard?”
• “how can I support my authentic expression, while ensuring others feel safe to talk and be included?”
• “how can I help others feel safe and supported, while at the same time ensuring they are also held accountable?”

High competing dilemmas are the grist of the effective leader. Sometimes named as paradoxes, the leadership literature is increasingly identifying them to be the substance of what preoccupies the leader for today and the future. The recent text Paradoxes of Power and Leadership (Cunha et al, 2021) is one excellent example of the emerging literature supporting this growing understanding.

Foregrounding these dilemmas plunges the leader into territory that needs to be charted each day, by each manager. The manager who develops the practice of engaging with these dilemmas (and letting go of the survival dilemmas) has lessened their grip on the familiar, on the known, and is no longer comfortable relying on what has worked before. Instead, they practice holding high and competing priorities in mind, retaining a sense of play, and allowing those priorities to function as the guardrails to the feelings, thinking and doings that proceed.

The FTD Triad of the Approachable Manager

The feeling life of the Approachable Manager who uses power well is far removed from that of the Intimidating Manager who uses power poorly. Instead of the range of negative feelings described in the previous article, the Approachable Manager has the day-to-day experience of feeling curious, spacious, calm, confident, determined, courageous and joyous. This does not mean, of course, that the manager who uses power well does not experience strong negative emotions. Rather, what it means is that those negative feelings do not tend to dominate the positive ones. Negative feelings are visited from time to time but are not the enduring emotional home of the manager who routinely uses power well.

Likewise, the thinking patterns of the Approachable Manager who uses power well remain aligned to and supportive of the primary dilemmas chosen by them. These thinking patterns are not polarised around self-aggrandising and self-diminishing thought patterns as in the manager who uses power poorly, but rather are thoughts that extend and apply the “how can I …, while I …” dilemmas.

The doing patterns of the Approachable Manager include the following behaviours,

• As a broad pattern, waiting for others to speak before contributing.
• Carefully monitoring who has spoken and employing means to ensure air time is shared in the group or team.
• Leaning into conversations that feel uncomfortable and concentrating on managing one’s own defensiveness.
• Searching for expression of the more vulnerable feelings behind one’s frustration and anger.

These behaviours model good use of power for those in their team and create high levels of psychological safety for others. Consequently, teams led by managers who are experienced as Approachable tend to enjoy both strong engagement, continual innovation and ultimately excellent performance.

Where do you sit on the scale of Intimidating v Approachable?  Migrating ever towards the good use of power is an invaluable goal with tremendous benefits both for individual managers and for the teams they lead.

I look forward to exploring this further with you in future articles.

Dr. Paul Donovan