In this article, we will explore one powerful and practical way of becoming a boss who uses power well and avoids the usual pitfalls that bosses under pressure fall prey to.

The following four steps are a potentially life changing practice. This is an exercise aimed at helping you change from the inside out. As a result, you will notice your behaviours change in ways that might surprise you!

This exercise guides you to practice interrupting your usual pattern of building stress and anxiety in reaction to various events that happen regularly in your working life. Following the interruption of those usual patterns, the exercise then guides you to deliberately choose positive feelings that further reduce the usual stress response. This foundational work helps protect you the leader from habitually experiencing stress and anxiety and thus makes you less vulnerable to engaging in poor power uses which provide short-term relief from stress.

Take a few minutes to respond to the instructions and questions listed below.

1. Write down in a list the times at work where you sense that your anxiety or frustration tend to peak and note the activities you are engaging in at those moments. To do this, think about the regular things you do that create discomfort for you.

For example, here is a list of examples that clients sometimes say when answering this question.

• Running my team meeting at 9.00am on Mondays.
• Raising performance issues with individuals whose results are worrying.
• Attending the monthly executive meeting on the first Tuesday of the month.
• Presenting the financial performance at the Department Town Hall meeting.
• Following up with team members who have not done what they promised to do.

2. Reflect on your list. Slowly run your eye over it and select the top three most anxiety producing times and associated activities. Against each of those three, jot down two or three emotions you feel that are associated with that activity. Then pause and review your work. Some examples of feelings you might list are:

agitated, restless, irritated, muzzled, marginalised, left out, overlooked, overpowered, intimidated, frustrated, nervous, apprehensive, small, scared, threatened, blocked, combative, flooded, vulnerable, worried, stupid

3. Begin to re-program these unconscious, emotional responses by rehearsing these triggering scenarios in the following way. (This step is inspired by the work of Dr Joe Dispenza and his ground-breaking behaviour change technology.)

Take a moment in a quiet place where you won’t be disturbed. Imagine one of the three previously disturbing scenarios you have already identified. Allow yourself to feel just the very beginning of the usual uncomfortable feelings that come with that situation. At that moment, abruptly interrupt those feelings and replace them with positive feelings of your choice. Allow yourself to sustain the images of the initial scenario but bring up positive feelings to replace the negative ones. Those positive feelings might include:

accepting, appreciative, brave, calm, curious, expansive, assertive, expectant, free, focused, assertive, inspired, peaceful, resourceful, powerful

Now, while you strengthen those positive feelings, allow the scene to play out differently, as informed by that new set of emotions. Determine to feel these consciously chosen feelings as deeply and strongly as possible while allowing the scene to play out differently. Notice how your responses to people are less reactionary, and how you see new options in connection to the challenge(s) that the situation presents. Enjoy this experience.

Deepen this re-programming by repeating this step for the very same situation, allow the negative feelings to just begin, then conjure up the same set of positive feelings. As you feel those feelings, allow the situation to play out in more favourable way as you lead from a more resourceful self. You might even like to repeat this exercise on one of the other disturbing scenarios you identified earlier.

For the best results, repeat this five-minute exercise frequently! It feels good, opens up new behavioural possibilities, and allows you to avoid the usual unhelpful responses to stress and anxiety that undermine your good use of power.

4. Finally, in addition to regularly practicing the steps listed above, create a strong determination, in other words, a deep intention, to anticipate those situations where you are likely to be triggered to feel any of the negative feelings listed above, and interrupt them.  Out of that strong intention, don’t wait for your anxiety or frustration to surge, but rather interrupt them with one or more of the following strategies.

• Pause and become aware of your breathing and breathe deeply into your belly.
• Deliberately relax your body and take an upright but not rigid posture.
• Ask yourself “what is happening right now around me?”
• Ask yourself “what is important right now?”

It is important that you support yourself to SLOW DOWN at these critical moments. When we slow down, we access better thinking, less negative feelings and MANY more skills. We also give new programming a chance to kick in.

Thanks for reading!

Dr. Paul Donovan