There is far more power in everyday conversation than most of us realise.

Not the dramatic kind. Not the power of speeches, titles, or authority granted by position. But the quiet, pervasive power that lives in how we speak, listen, take turns, interrupt, invite, decide, and move on.

I have spent much of my working life inside organisations — watching meetings unfold, decisions stall, voices fade, and good people leaving conversations feeling diminished without quite knowing why. And I’ve come to believe this: most suffering at work is not caused by bad intent, but by unskilful use of power in conversation.

Managers, leaders, and professionals rarely set out to silence others. Yet it happens every day. Through hurried questions. Through unexamined assumptions. Through decisions made too quickly, or not made at all. Through conversations that prioritise control over clarity, or efficiency over dignity.

The tragedy is that this suffering is largely unnecessary.

Power, when used with awareness and care, can do the opposite. It can support safety. It can invite voice. It can help people think better together and make wiser decisions. And when this happens, work becomes not just more effective, but more human.

This article is about that everyday power.

It is about the responsibility that comes with occupying a role — any role — in which your words carry weight. It is about recognising that every conversation is an intervention, whether you intend it to be or not. And it is about learning to design conversations that allow people to speak honestly, think clearly, and act together without leaving important parts of themselves behind.

I am not very interested in heroic leadership or charismatic influence. I am interested in something quieter and more demanding: the disciplined, compassionate use of power in ordinary moments.

Moments like:

• a manager giving feedback
• a team deciding what really matters
• a leader opening (or closing) a conversation under pressure
• a meeting where some speak easily and others disappear

These moments shape cultures far more than mission statements ever do.

If there is a single idea running through this short article, it is this:

When people with power learn to use it skilfully in conversation, when they support people to find their voice, when they take effort to design conversations with structures that support both involvement and decision-making, we get better business and workplaces where people thrive.

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Paul Donovan