In this article, we return to the Diamond Power Index^©(DPI) to understand how a manager uses their power to be experienced as Inappropriate.

Here’s a short summary of a manager who is likely be experienced as Inappropriate vs Respectful.

The Inappropriate Manager can really enjoy meeting with their team. In fact, it may be one of the few places in the organisation where they feel quite at ease.

They sometimes like a joke or two when the team are together and consider most or all of their team to feel the same way. Their mind tends to direct their attention toward the signs that others feel that way.

Their preference for a lighter environment makes them somewhat intolerant of conversations which ponder on “who felt hurt when”. It just seems petty to them. They also sometimes tolerate off-colour jokes being made by others, and don’t intervene. They might even laugh along.

Unfortunately, more often than they realise, they say things that prompt others to feel uncomfortable. Making things worse, they consider others quite capable of letting them know if they have a problem with their comments or behaviours. Indeed, in their mind it’s the other person’sjob to speak up if that’s the case.

Unfortunately, their own discomfort with meetings where the conversation gets uncomfortable makes it quite hard for the team to give them this feedback.

Why is being inappropriate a misuse of power?

Managers who use their role as manager as permission to relate in ways that are comfortable for them (including off-hand comments and jokes), and who forget they have at least equal accountability to help others experience comfort, are misusing their power.

What’s driving this way of behaving?

From my experience of debriefing the Diamond Power Index^© reports of hundreds of managers here is a sample of the thinking that I’ve noticed in those managers who were experienced as Inappropriate by those providing feedback —

• “My ease, and freedom of communication style is very important to me. When I’m with my team I aim to relax and just say what comes naturally.”
• “If others take offence to my honest comments, that can’t really be my concern.”
• “If others don’t tell me they are uncomfortable, I can’t be expected to mindread.”
• “Why does everyone take everything so seriously?”
• “My authority gives me the freedom to relate comfortably.”

Unfortunately, thinking of this kind tends to prompt Inappropriate behaviour.

Do you notice any of these thoughts as repetitive within your own mind?

If you can catch them, you have just increased your chances of being experienced as Respectful as opposed to Inappropriate.

Please have a quick look at the next article where we look more deeply into the thinking patterns of the Respectful Manager.

And here’s a short video on the important differences between the Inappropriate and the Respectful Manager.

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Paul Donovan