In this article, we return to the Diamond Power Index^©(DPI) to understand how a manager uses their power to be experienced as Respectful vs Inappropriate.

The Respectful Manager pays careful attention to the mood of the group, and when that mood changes because some have become uncomfortable or offended. While they might feel relaxed with their team, they don’t let that sense of ease take over. Rather, they stay alert to being experienced by others as sloppy, undisciplined, or inappropriate. Of particular interest to them is how humour is experienced in the team, so they ensure that having a laugh does not become a polarising experience in the team.

This does NOT mean that a great manager will never cause upset in others. Some people are easily upset.  Indeed, the very act of giving required feedback, even if given skilfully and compassionately, can cause great upset in the other person. Rather, the Respectful Manager stays alert for signs of discomfort or offence and leans into that conversation. They care if others are upset, and will honestly search for the appropriate level of personal accountability for it.

If a situation arises where someone in the team has taken offence to a comment or joke, or feels harassed or bullied, the Respectful Manager will not shy from debriefing that situation, clarifying what behaviour of theirs (or someone else in the team) has prompted the upset, and clarify whatever action may be required. That action might include facilitating and communicating standards of behaviour, or group norms.

The Respectful Manager routinely provides informal, formal and anonymous ways for their team to share their levels of ease and inclusion in team forums. They see this feedback and data as important, since creating a shared space of safety is high on their list of priorities.

What’s driving this way of behaving?

From my experience of debriefing the Diamond Power Index^© reports of hundreds of managers, here is a sample of the thinking that I’ve noticed in those managers who were experienced as Respectful by those providing feedback —

• “The ease others feel about talking with me is more important that my sense of ease.”
• “Creating offence or discomfort in others is rarely a useful outcome of communication, and if that’s been triggered by my communication, I will honestly interrogate that.”
• “I want this team to be experienced as safe and non-hostile.”
• “Sensing the mood of my team is an important part of my job, and often that mood is sensed by noticing non-verbal signals.”
• “Checking in with my team about their experience in this team can be an important way to identify and deal with issues of safety and inclusion.”

Thinking of this kind tends to prompt Respectful behaviour.

Do you notice any of these thoughts as repetitive within your own mind?

If you can practice cultivating thoughts like these, you will increase your chances of being experienced as Respectful as opposed to Inappropriate.

Would you like to be experienced as Respectful? As a manager who stands for the weaker, who acts to safeguard feelings of psychological safety in the team and who is genuinely curious about how each team member experiences being together? 

If that’s you, take a moment to re-read these thinking patterns. Read them to your team. Invite accountability to your team for acting consistently with them.

Here’s a short video on the important differences between the Inappropriate and the Respectful Manager. 

Thanks for reading,

Dr. Paul Donovan